Six Works Of Art (Reviewed By Cats)
Leonardo da Vinci – Mona Lisa
Enigmatic smile? Don’t make me laugh. That’s smug, that is. That’s “no you can’t have your food yet, it’s not one o’clock”. Git. Get that sachet out, mash up the contents and get it in the bowl so I can do my own face. You know the one. The “that’s not food, I asked for food, what is this shit?” face. No enigma there.
Rousseau – Surprised!
This is more like it. Obviously I’m liking the content – a nice nod to Delacroix – and on a technical level it’s got more sophistication than first meets the eye. Just look at the different layers of green and the deceptive simplicity of the silver strands (distinct hint of inspiration from Bouguereau, if I’m not mistaken?) I like the title, too. Surprise is what it’s all about, from the hunting point of view. The artist has really tried to get into the mind of their subject. Works on two levels, too. First there’s the surprise experienced by the prey, then there’s the surprise experienced by the owner. Prepare yourself for a sodden sofa with a ‘present’ on it.
Coolidge – Poker Game
I’m sorry, is this a joke? You tell me I’m going to be reviewing ‘works of art’ and you give me THIS?
Botticelli – La Primavera
Apparently this is an ‘allegory’. Allergy, more like. I hate it. Not a lap in sight. Wait, is that a bird? No, it’s a sodding cherub. Give me a break.
Holbein – The Ambassadors
I like this. Obviously there’s still a distinct lack of lappage, but just look at that table. Oh my. So much temptation. Five minutes is all I ask. I’ll have the whole lot on the floor. (Also note the anamorphic skull in the foreground, a memento mori juxtaposing death with the contrasting worlds of heaven and earth as represented by the astrolabe and books, and serving as a reminder to the viewer of the inevitability of their own mortality.) Oh, and that lute’s getting a good twanging.
Whistler – Arrangement In Grey And Black No. 1
Now that’s what I call a lap. Black fabric, too. Niiiiccceeeeee.
Very brief reviews of the same works written by my dog (his views, with assistance from me in expressing them):
Mona Lisa - ok, she's got the dogwalking gear on, let's go for a walk, I can see some great routes behind her and there's a chance for a splash in that pond as well.
Surprised - very nasty, more like a wanted poster than an art work. If that sort of riff-raff gets into the garden I'll soon see it off.
Poker game - those are the big dogs, bigger than me. Myself, I prefer a good game of fetch. Not that I ever bring the ball back.
La Primavera - I'm gonna pee on that tree on the right. And that one on the left. And that one in the middle. In fact I'm gonna pee on all of them as a warning to any squirrels around.
The Ambassadors - never had a bone like that. Looks good though. I'm gonna sit and stare them out until they hand it over.
Whistler - what have I got to do to get some attention? It's time for a walk. It's always time for a walk but doesn't look like I'm gonna get one for a while. I'll get my lead and see if that helps.
What a brilliant, curveball post, loved this, thank you.