Six Things, Volume 8
Rube and Heath | colour | ball | commentary | mating dance | fremony
Thing 1 – Rube and Heath
One thing leads to another. And if you were Rube Goldberg, one thing led to another, then another, then another, then another – all delivered with wit and imagination.
I hadn’t heard of Rube Goldberg until 2003, when ‘Cog’ hit the screens.
(It was hailed by Honda as one of the most influential adverts ever made, but then they would say that, wouldn’t they?). It remains, to my eyes, deliciously watchable.
If Goldberg’s name wasn’t familiar, the concept behind his cartoons was, thanks to the work of Heath Robinson – outlandishly elaborate machines designed to complete extremely simple tasks. Or, as Goldberg put it more simply (there’s an irony for you, simplicity not exactly a word associated with his work), “Do an easy thing the hard way.”
Heath Robinson’s contraptions seemed to be the epitome of British eccentricity, clearly constructed in a shed with what was to hand – cogs and wheels, string and tape, pulleys and winches – and often featuring bald middle-aged men snoozing in rocking chairs, blissfully unaware of the precariousness of their situation. As a child I spent hours looking at them, drinking in the details, tracing their mechanisms and imagining them in operation. And I wasn’t the only one. H G Wells, writing to Robinson in 1914, told him, “Your absurd, beautiful drawings … give me a peculiar pleasure of the mind like nothing else in the world.” Discovering Goldberg’s cartoons as an adult, I found they had a similarly homespun charm, and the parallels between the two are easy to draw.
Such machines might seem merely a whimsical celebration of glorious uselessness, but both Goldberg and Robinson drew their cartoons with sharp satirical intent. The 1920s saw a rush of mass production, and electrification produced a slew of goods intended (so their manufacturers would have had you believe) to make people’s lives easier. Both Goldberg and Robinson took this obsession with automation of everyday tasks to (and possibly beyond) its logical conclusion. This dependence on new technology, the cartoons said, is ridiculous – just look at us. Novelty does not equal value.
This satirical edge was echoed in the Charlie Chaplin film Modern Times. The ‘Billows Feeding Machine’ is a Rube Goldberg come to life, but also bears a remarkable similarity of conception to Robinson’s pea-delivering machine.
And of course there have been countless examples since, including the Honda advert and many people’s favourites, Wallace’s Cracking Contraptions.
You are, I think, more likely to be able to build a Rube Goldberg than a Heath Robinson – as evidenced by the annual Rube Goldberg machine contest – but I’ve found one delightful example of a real life Heath Robinson. Rob Higg’s wine machine is magnificently impractical, but it does pour an excellent glass of wine, and the satisfaction derived from watching it in action provides its own hit of giddy delight.
My first reaction, on seeing this, was to bark “I want one!” Sadly I’m some years too late (not to mention some thousands light in the wallet department). It was auctioned in 2016, fetching a price of £104,500.
He’s also made this terrific little nutcracker, a handy and welcome addition to any household’s Christmas batterie de cuisine.
Sometimes a Rube Goldberg machine can get insanely busy, and you don’t quite know where to look. The attraction of the linear Goldberg is that you can track it all as it’s happening, although to film one you might need access to a warehouse, as in this anarchic and gleeful video by Chicago band OK Go.
Joseph Herscher, however, gives the lie to the idea that you need space for an enjoyable Rube Goldberg, and his inventiveness and devotion to eccentricity and detail mean that he is now known to many as ‘the Rube Goldberg guy’ (I particularly like the 'melting slab of butter' adaptation.)
But perhaps my favourite is this one, which starts normally enough and then delivers a ‘huh?’ moment about halfway through.
And, as surely as one thing follows another, here is the ‘making of’ film to show you how it was done.
Thing 2 – Colour
This – Poline, an ‘Esoteric Colour Palette Generation Library’ – is as good a way as any to spend a happy half-hour. I honestly have no idea what I’m doing or what all the buttons and doodads and so forth are for. But my gosh it’s pretty.
And if, like me, you’re happy to use colours without understanding how they work, The Hitch-hiker’s Guide to Digital Colour is both fascinating and useful.
Thing 3 – Ball
People, I think we can all agree, are disappointing.
Thing 4 – Commentary
The death of John Motson took away yet another part of my childhood – he and Barry Davies were football commentary when I was growing up (yes, OK, Brian Moore too). The briefest of YouTube searches will throw up plenty of examples of his commentary, although I never thought his success as a commentator depended on soundbites so much as a deep knowledge and love of the game, and the sense that he just really really wanted to tell you about, and had the tools to do so.
One thing he never ever did was betray his allegiance. Not something you can say about Mick Morgan, former Castleford player and purveyor of one of the greatest pieces of sports commentary ever.
Thing 5 – Mating Dance
Get yourself to NE Queensland. Somewhere in the lowland rainforests of the Jack River National Park, perhaps. (I talk as if it’s a place well known to me, but I’m getting all my info from Google, so…)
Anyway, the point is there’s a bird there, a bird not found anywhere else in the world. Not rare – although it is classified as ‘Vulnerable’ – but very localised – a surprisingly common story. To look at, it’s fairly normal. About the size of a Blackbird, if you’re British (let’s say American Robin if you’re American). The male is dark, the female lighter, as is often the case. Downcurved bill in both sexes.
It’s the Victoria’s Riflebird.
What you might not see it at first is the iridescent greeny-purple sheen around the male’s head and neck.
A useful attribute, an iridescent greeny-purple sheen. Attractive to the ladies, in the right circumstances.
He might catch her attention with this sound.
And then he sets to with the dancing. Some might say he’s trying just a bit too hard.
Seems to work, mind.
Nature – and stop me if, as is no doubt the case, you’ve heard this one before – is wonderful.
Thing 6 – Fremony
This pops up from time to time, and is always worth sharing. Apparently it first appeared in the Peterborough Standard in 1979, was sent to Private Eye, and then a couple of decades later the internet came along, and that was that.
Warning: ensure you have a good supply of oxygen to hand.
Here’s the transcript, if blurry newspaper script isn’t your thing:
“Crowland’s Silver Jubilee committee was finally wound up on Thursday evening with a presentation ceremony at the library.
The jubilee fund, described by chairman Frank Parnell as ‘one of the finest efforts in Lincolnshire’, fremony at the library.
The jubilee fund, described by chairman Frank Parnell as ‘one remony atremony aremony at the library.
The jubremony at the library.
Tremony at remony at the library.
Thrremony at tremony at the libremony at the libraremony at the library.
Theremony at the library.
The jubilee fund, described by chairman Frank Premony rremony at the remony aremony at the libremony atremony at the tremony at the library.
Tremorremony at the library remony at the library.
The jubilee fund, described by chairman Frank Parnell as ‘one of the finest efforts in Lincolnshire’, fn he latched onto a through ball. Although he was hauled down by the ‘keeper he still managed to stroke the ball home.
But for the second week running Durant had to leave the field injured, this time suffering eye trouble.
The winning goal was another 25-yard shot – again from Blackstones’ central defender – coming from their second chance of the game.
Gary Cooper, recently signed from Queens Old Boys, had a good debut.”
Always a delight, Lev, but this week's jamboree bag is just superb. That commentary alone has got my other half and me in tears. Thank you!
If you ask me I don’t think that bird is dancing... looks like playing peek-a-boo to me 😬