Six Things, Volume 32

Accents | Drums | Trees | Swallows | Spider-man | Toasters

Thing 1 – Accents

Many people, myself included, do an accent or two. We do so in the full knowledge that they’re at best inaccurate and at worst downright offensive.

Dave Huxtable is not, even though when you listen to him talk you might in fact believe that he is many people, ‘many people’. This whistlestop tour of English accents is, to the layperson, uncannily accurate, and it’s reassuring to read so many approving comments from people from the areas in question. It is an endlessly fascinating area, and his videos are always enlightening.

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Thing 2 – Drums

Sometimes what you need in your day is a dose of gratuitous silliness.

For this you will need Cozy Powell’s 1991 feat of hitting 400 drums in under one minute (fun fact: Cozy Powell’s real name was Colin Flooks).

This is already silly enough, but what it needs, as the excellent Rhodri Marsden realised, is a piano accompaniment.

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Thing 3 – Trees

Ever wondered what all the trees in London are, and where they are?

Wonder no more. There is a London street tree map.

(There are gaps on the map. This isn’t because there are large treeless areas in London, but merely that not all the data is/are* available.)

*You might have a view on whether it should be ‘data is’ or ‘data are’. I honestly don’t care, so include both in a probably doomed effort to avoid controversy and discussion.

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Thing 4 – Swallows

This is a quite beautiful piece about swallows. I shan’t give the game away any more than that, but do urge you to read it.

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Thing 5 – Spider-man

I got to thinking, for reasons, about Spider-man, and in particular his catchy theme tune. In case you don’t know it, here it is.

It occurred to me that, in the interest of scientific accuracy, the lyrics could do with a light rejig. I apologise in advance.

Spider-man spider-man

Does whatever a spider can

Spins a web, catches flies

Has eight legs, and eight eyes

Except for some species

Which just have six

Oh and there’s one species

That is 90% herbivorous

So probably best not to generalise

Look out, here comes the spider-man.

Is he strong? Yes he is

But not as strong as

The female

Who is usually larger.

Also, many species practice

Sexual cannibalism

Whereby she eats him

After procreation

Which is a bit grim

For him…

Look out, here comes the spider-man

Quite nervously.

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Thing 6 – Toasters

Which is the best museum? Louvre? Uffizi? Met?

No, it is quite obviously the Toaster Museum. I mean, come on.

Here you will find such classics as the Mattatuck Commander, the Edicraft Automatic and the Daalderop KMD. I honestly don’t know what more you could possibly want.

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