Six Things, Volume 32

Accents | Drums | Trees | Swallows | Spider-man | Toasters

Aug 25, 2023

Thing 1 – Accents

Many people, myself included, do an accent or two. We do so in the full knowledge that they’re at best inaccurate and at worst downright offensive.

Dave Huxtable is not, even though when you listen to him talk you might in fact believe that he is many people, ‘many people’. This whistlestop tour of English accents is, to the layperson, uncannily accurate, and it’s reassuring to read so many approving comments from people from the areas in question. It is an endlessly fascinating area, and his videos are always enlightening.

Thing 2 – Drums

Sometimes what you need in your day is a dose of gratuitous silliness.

For this you will need Cozy Powell’s 1991 feat of hitting 400 drums in under one minute (fun fact: Cozy Powell’s real name was Colin Flooks).

This is already silly enough, but what it needs, as the excellent Rhodri Marsden realised, is a piano accompaniment.

Thing 3 – Trees

Ever wondered what all the trees in London are, and where they are?

Wonder no more. There is a London street tree map.

(There are gaps on the map. This isn’t because there are large treeless areas in London, but merely that not all the data is/are* available.)

*You might have a view on whether it should be ‘data is’ or ‘data are’. I honestly don’t care, so include both in a probably doomed effort to avoid controversy and discussion.

Thing 4 – Swallows

This is a quite beautiful piece about swallows. I shan’t give the game away any more than that, but do urge you to read it.

Thing 5 – Spider-man

I got to thinking, for reasons, about Spider-man, and in particular his catchy theme tune. In case you don’t know it, here it is.

It occurred to me that, in the interest of scientific accuracy, the lyrics could do with a light rejig. I apologise in advance.

Spider-man spider-man
Does whatever a spider can
Spins a web, catches flies
Has eight legs, and eight eyes
Except for some species
Which just have six
Oh and there’s one species
That is 90% herbivorous
So probably best not to generalise
Look out, here comes the spider-man.
Is he strong? Yes he is
But not as strong as
The female
Who is usually larger.
Also, many species practice
Sexual cannibalism
Whereby she eats him
After procreation
Which is a bit grim
For him…
Look out, here comes the spider-man
Quite nervously.

Thing 6 – Toasters

Which is the best museum? Louvre? Uffizi? Met?

No, it is quite obviously the Toaster Museum. I mean, come on.

Here you will find such classics as the Mattatuck Commander, the Edicraft Automatic and the Daalderop KMD. I honestly don’t know what more you could possibly want.

Six Things